Lack of Confidence and Low Self Esteem

Low self esteem can make us feel worthless, unlovable and sometimes fearful. It affects how we view ourselves, others and the world. It can lead to anxiety and depression.

Lack of confidence and low self esteem are often rooted in early experiences in which we were harshly judged, misunderstood, unseen and under valued. We might have experiences of being frequently criticised by our care givers, anxiously cared for, or there may have been very set expectations about how we should behave or perform.

Cultural and societal expectations add a further layer. If we don’t conform we can be made to feel bad, mad or shameful. This may be particularly complicated for those of us who are balancing the expectations of a familial culture which sits outside the mainstream culture. It can also become very toxic for those of us whose sexuality does not conform to mainstream definitions. Racism, sexism and homophobia can inadvertently become internalised in an attack on yourself.

How I Work with You

How do we move from a place of self doubt, sometimes even self loathing, to a place of empowerment?

One of the most important techniques therapy can offer you is to introduce you to your inner critic or judge. This is the opinionated voice in your head. At some point it ‘had your back’, it functioned to keep you safe. For some this voice remains relatively benign, but for others this voice becomes a bully we constantly carry around with us. It has fed off all the criticism that was levied at us over the course of our lives and becomes internalised. What it says is so familiar, we believe it without question and it makes us feel pretty terrible about ourselves.

Your job is to stand up to this voice and the first step is to recognise it. Understand where it got its opinions from. Then question it and find ways to challenge it.

I am in your corner every step of the way in this work. I help you explore where this voice came from. I encourage you to recognise this voice as separate from you. I give you techniques to challenge it, and I celebrate your successes. The voice morphs, it is cunning and recognising it and freeing ourselves from its judgement will be a life times work. However, with support and practice we can reach a place of internal solidarity and vitality which, even in the face of disappointments, allows us to take pleasure in ourselves.

Some useful reading:

B Brown Soul without Shame: A Guide to Liberating Yourself from the Judge Within